A child of our own

It seems that not a week goes by that we aren't asked, "when are you going to have children of your own?" These people are family, friends, neighbors, and strangers. They mean us no harm.

And, though I know that by "our own" they mean biological children, I cringe everytime we are asked this question. To us, and someday to Grayson, this implies that somehow he is not our own.

Just the other day, I witnessed my older sister give birth to my youngest nephew. I have seen many women on my trips to Africa give birth. Every childbirth I have witnessed is nothing short of a miracle. It is the most beautiful gift of all when God places a child in our care. I hear mothers talk about the discomfort of pregnancy, the pain of labor, and the rush of love they feel when they hold their child for the first time.

I have never given birth, but I too have experienced all these emotions and have been blessed with God's greatest gift of all. We were called on October 30th, 2006 and were told our son was 2 weeks old and waiting for us in Guatemala. We then waited nearly 3 months before we had a chance to visit him. When his foster mother placed him in my arms for the very first time, I knew in that instant, I would trade my life for his. At the end of our weeklong visit, we had to hand him back over to his foster mother, not knowing when or if his adoption would ever be finalized. That day, and in the three months to come, I experienced emotional pain so deep that there were days that I was physically in pain. One year after Grayson was conceived in our hearts, he was placed in our arms forever. I experienced love and joy so great that I swear it will never be duplicated.

After witnessing my sister's childbirth, everyone visiting the new baby made a point to ask, "do you think you'll have children of your own now?" We have not prevented pregnancy because I'm scared of being pregnant. When we began talking about adoption it was because that is what God had placed on our hearts. Now, with Grayson home for over a year, we're adopting again. Not because we have anything against being pregnant, but because the outcome of our first adoption was so precious and sacred, we'd be crazy to not want to do it again. For everyone out there that feels they have to know if and when we will have biological children, the answer is, we don't know. We will continue to follow our hearts.

In the future, when asked if we will have children of our own, I will say, "we can't imagine any child being more our own than Grayson."