Happy 2nd Birthday, Abram Kembata!

Daddy and the boys went to get the birthday cake and I'm sitting at the computer trying not to ruin my make-up with my tears. I can't believe Abram is 2 yrs. old today. I so wish I could have been there 2 years ago to witness this miracle child being born. But, I would never take from him the time he had with his first family. So, today we are making up for lost time and celebrating with family, friends, and Thomas the Tank Engine!

Here's a video I made to show at his party today (each year I make videos versus scrapbooks...much faster and cheaper and they make great party favors for the grandparents)!

The happenings of the last few weeks

It seems that since we've been home from Christmas vacation, we have been super busy. Grayson started back to preschool, he started gymnastics with his friend, Toby, and we started bible study. Whew! Last year, this kind of schedule wouldn't have phased me, but this year with TWO kids to get up, get fed, get dressed, get hair done, and get loaded into the car, I am wiped out by the end of the day!

Grayson is still loving school. His teacher said he has started singing and doing gestures to the songs they sing throughout the afternoon (he didn't do this first semester). He is also really enjoying bible study this year. It is so great to be able to ask him about his bible story and hear him tell me what he remembers! And, of course, he LOVES gymnastics. I was a little concerned he would be too silly acting and not listen since he has his best bud in class with him. But, they've done very well! I'm so proud of them. Now, that's not to say that the teacher didn't learn their names really fast:) Grayson tends to always want to help people rather than helping himself. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but it can cause trouble. The first class, Grayson was holding Toby's legs up for him while doing stretches. We see this at home all day long. Rather than sitting and eating, he stands beside Abram and feeds him. Sweet, right? Well, it gets irritating really fast :) So, we're working on, "worry about Grayson, and not XXXX."

Abram has been going through a bit of a rough patch since Christmas. He has started crying at the church nursery and typically they have to come get us after 15 or 20 min. He then started doing the same thing at bible study. It's so tough because, as a mom, you want to know what's causing this and how to fix it. So, then I start speculating that it's because of his first 15 mos. of life. Well, could it be because he still hasn't been with us as long as he's been with others? Does he think I'm really leaving and not coming back? It breaks my heart to think that he may not realize we are in this for the long-haul...he can't get rid of us:) But, I knew that I just had to keep leaving him for short periods of time with people I trust. And, there are few people I trust more than the children's leaders at BSF. I know that they love him. They are kind and compassionate, and most importantly, they pray for him. And, yesterday at bible study, our prayers were answered! I went to pick him up and they said he had done fine! They were able to distract him with a Thomas engine:) It is so wonderful to see God at work in his life....so reassuring that no person is too little to receive God's help and no problem is too big:)

Oh, in other exciting news, we got the boys bunk beds! Crazy, huh? Just when everyone is sleeping just fine all night long in their own beds we go and mix things up. But, we knew they would do well and they have! They go to sleep right away and sleep all night long. Abram wakes up pretty early, so I have to go get him up right away so he doesn't wake Grayson, but so far he hasn't. They love each other so much and really enjoy sharing a room:) So now if you come stay with us, you can stay in our guest room!

I think that is just about all the news I have to share...I'll post some pictures as well!

A quick little video...

I know I really need to do a holiday recap, but just haven't found the time! Since we've been home from Florida we've had preschool, bible study, and just started gymnastics this week:) Busy, but good....really good:) But, I had to take time to post this video of Abram singing. He is this real sturdy guy that you would expect to have a kind of gruff voice...but he has the sweetest little high-pitched voice:) And, he LOVES Thomas and has started singing along:)

So many emotions!

The holidays are always a sentimental time of year for me. It seems we've always had something or someone to celebrate/long for. Aaron and I's first Christmas together was special because it was our 1st Christmas married. Our second, we were waiting for Grayson to come home. We had pictures of him and were anticipating visiting him in January. That was a very bittersweet holiday. Our 3rd Christmas was our first one with Grayson home! Another emotional year:) Our 4th Christmas we were on the waiting list for a baby boy from Ethiopia. We were getting very anxious to see his face for the first time. It was a wonderful holiday; yet, once again, a little bittersweet.

It's fun to look back at my blog posts from this time last year (click on the month along the left-hand side). We were so ready to see our little boys' face for the first time. We were leaning on God more than we ever had before. I knew at the time it would be a time for growth in our relationship with each other and with God, but I just wanted that "teaching moment" to be over so we could have our referral already! Once again I'm humbled by God's perfect plan. We so badly wanted to see our son; however, our son had not yet been relinquished. He was spending precious moments with his brother and cousins. Precious moments that God did not intend to be for us, but for his first family.

We are now just too few days away from our 5th Christmas. And, though I don't feel our family is anywhere near complete, we are all together. Our first Christmas as a family of four. And, as we're getting ready to celebrate our first Christmas together, I can't help but think of Kebede and his family, spending their first Christmas without their beloved mother, father, and baby brother. So while I'm so grateful that God has given us this holiday to spend together, Abram's birth family will never be far from my mind.

Thank you, Lord, for this precious child you have entrusted in our care.

And, here are the holiday pictures:)

In the Christmas spirit!

So, I know it's not even Thanksgiving, but with 2 little boys, you can't help but be in the Christmas spirit a little early!

We got a tree yesterday...yes, we have our tree up before Thanksgiving:) But, we spend a lot of time away from home over the holidays, so this allows us to enjoy the Christmas decorations in our own home before leaving to stay with family. Grayson was so excited about the tree and kept calling it "my tree." Aaron, of course, picked the biggest tree he could find without regard for the limitations our ceiling presents:) So, after a little trimming, it just barely fit in the house! The smell of the tree has already filled the house and I love it!

Here are a few pictures!

Abram's First Haircut!

Well, we finally broke down and got Abram's hair cut! He had been needing it for quite awhile, but I was so afraid I would end up regretting it. However, it just got to be so much to handle each morning. It would get extremely frizzy in the back where he slept on it, and no amount of product seemed to be helping. Plus, what 18 month-old wiggle worm wants to sit still while his mom loads him up with product after product! Not to mention, once I got it tamed in the morning, it was the same battle after nap time.

So, on a whim, I asked around at Wal-Mart if any of the stylists felt comfortable cutting his hair. The manager said she did. I was so nervous as I sat there holding him on my lap. I was just sure he would throw a fit. But, much to my surprise, he sat perfectly still the entire time! He didn't even flinch at the sound of the clippers. The stylist called him an angel! And, she did a great job! There are plenty of little curls left on his head...just not nearly as many in back!



In other news, it looks like I will be returning to BSF in December! I will just be returning as a member, but I am so excited to get back into a daily/weekly study of the bible. The daily lessons that BSF has you do always speak to me in just the right way. I can always apply something from that lesson to a situation I'm in that week. BSF is the reason I survived the 8.5 month wait for Abram' referral. And, it's exactly what I need to get through each day with 2 toddlers! And, even better, BSF is starting an infant program in January. So, I will able to take both boys to BSF! What a blessing! I just hope BSF is ready for these two:)

Finally, a new post!

Wow, this has gotten pretty bad! It's been over a month since I posted last. I'd like to say I just don't have time, but that wouldn't be true! Honestly, I think the blog has kind of served it's purpose, but I'm making an attempt to keep it going! So this will be a quick catch-up post.

Since I last blogged, we have:

Celebrated Grayson's 3rd birthday! It's so hard to believe he is 3, yet there are times he seems at least 6. He is such a wonderful son and big brother. His birthday is always a time of mixed emotions. I'm so grateful he is our son; I can't imagine life any other way. But, I'm reminded that he has birth parents, grandparents, and an older sister who aren't getting to witness all these special moments in his life. I'm grateful that God chose him to be our son, but I will never quite understand why. He gives us so much more than we deserve.


Did some early trick or treating. The boys and I were out of town over Halloween, so our neighbor asked us to bring the boys over early. Well, we ended up meeting up with two other families on our street for a total of 8 children! We love the street we live on and especially the people that live on it with us!


Drove to Virginia to see my sister. It took us 14 hours in the car, but we made it! It was just me and the boys and I cannot say enough for how well they did! They are superstar travelers! It was great to get to spend some time with my sister, nephews, and niece. The kids have so much fun together!
Well, that's it for now! I will try to be better about posting:)

It's Fall Y'all!

It's my favorite time of the year! The leaves are changing and falling (all over our driveway and yard, I might add), the weather is cool (and rainy), and everywhere you look there are pumpkins and mums galore! I love it! We've turned off the A/C and have been cracking the windows for fresh air. The coming of Fall also means Grayson's birthday! We are gearing up for a Handy Manny-themed party in a couple of weeks! I can't wait...I get so excited for birthday parties!

Here are a few pictures of what we've been doing to enjoy this wonderful season!

We're painting pumpkins!

Wearing our fall/winter jammies!

Playing soccer.

And, picking out pumpkins!

A little over 2 months....

...and we are seeing HUGE progress in this family! We've had some tough times in last couple of months, but we are seeing so much positive change. It is such a testament to God's work in our hearts and in Abram's.

For starters, nap time and bedtime are finally getting easy! I lay Abram right down for his nap with no protesting! Occasionally, he's not quite ready and I have to go back in, lay him down, cover him up, but that's pretty rare. Bedtime is about the same. We got through our routine, I lay him down, and Aaron usually has to go in a couple of times to cover him up. We figured out that he would go to sleep much faster if Aaron went in versus me. I think he's so attached to me, that it became difficult for him to fall asleep if I kept coming in when he cried.

Abram is getting more and more comfortable with Aaron. He enjoys playing with him, will let Aaron feed and bathe him, and let him hold him. Now, if he has a choice, he wants me. And, he still gets upset sometimes when I walk out of the room and leave him with Aaron. He's my little "cling-on." But, we did make huge progress last week when I left the house for an hour to volunteer at Matrix. Aaron said he never even acted like anything was "off."

And the really fun stuff; we're starting to see Abram communicate with us more and more. He waves and says, "bye-bye." He puts up his hands and says, "all gone." And this week, he started using his signs for "please" and "thank you." I'm so proud of him! He is really starting to come out of his shell and show us that wonderful little personality. The greatest thing is just seeing him have fun and laugh...God is so good.

Such a beautiful smile and spirit!

Kisses from big brother.

Two happy, little boys!

Brothers

Many times in the last couple of months I've kind of questioned our choice to have two boys so close in age. It's not so much that they are close in age, but the fact that we brought one toddler into a house where another toddler was already living (and was master of his domain, might I add). We've had a lot of rough moments where I'm changing a diaper and Grayson has to go potty, NOW! Or, the times when they both fall and get hurt and both come crying, wanting to be picked up and comforted at the same time. Or, the seemingly constant battle over toys.

But, in the last couple of weeks, I've really started to get a glimpse of what life will be like for these two brothers. I've already started to see hints of the type of bond I had/have with my younger sister. Grayson absolutely adores Abram. It may sound strange, but it's almost like a younger sibling looking up to an older sibling. He may talk tough at times, but at the end of the day he just wants Abram to love him as much as he loves Abram. He reminds me so much of myself when he tries to hug and kiss Abram all the time. I was affectionate with my sister to a fault...it drove her nuts! When Abram is in the right mood, it's magical. To see them giving each other kisses and squealing as they hug/wrestle on the floor. But, more often than not, Abram is a little sensitive and grouchy and the affection sends him into a fit! Or, their newest thing, sitting next to each other on the bathroom rug as I get ready in the mornings. If Abram sits on the rug and doesn't land close enough to Grayson, he inches over...so cute.

But what warms my heart the most is Grayson's compassion for his little brother. When he hears him crying his ears perk up and he runs to his rescue. When he sees Abram get hurt, he hangs his head and says, "poor Abram." I can remember my sister getting in trouble and I would be the one in the other room, crying, feeling sorry for her. I can say from experience, Abram will never go a day without an ally ready to stand up for him at a moment's notice. At dinner just the other night, Abram was crying about something (mealtime fits are not uncommon). Just as Aaron and I were getting a little frustrated, Grayson got out of his chair, went to Abram and said, "no more tears Abram, no more tears," as he wiped Abram's tears with a napkin. My heart melted! I am so excited to see what the future brings for these two, and I am so glad they will always have a best friend.

Finally a post about our trip!

So, lately I've been feeling I was remiss in not posting about our trip. But, for the longest time, I just didn't have anything to say, or maybe I had too much to say? It was as if I couldn't sit back and reflect on the trip because in some weird way I felt like I was still on the trip...like I had never gotten home. I mean, we came home, but nothing was the same...I still felt like I was in a foreign land because this whole two toddlers thing was definitely uncharted territory. But, now we're finally in a routine, and things are starting to feel familiar again. Now, I feel like I can step back and recall details from our trip...I feel like I've finally returned home.

For starters, the flight was grueling. Our flight out of Indy left so early that we got very little sleep (plus, who can sleep when you're so close to meeting your son)! We then spent a night on the plane, so, by the time we arrived in Addis Ababa, we had 2 nights of nearly no sleep. The airport was a breeze and we were soon off to the guest house. But, no sleep, hunger, bumpy roads, and high altitudes left us both feeling pretty crummy by the time we got to our guest house! We took a nap and waited for that long-awaited moment of meeting Abram! It ended up taking Travis, the Gladney representative, longer than expected to bring Abram to us. But, honestly, we needed the extra couple hours to sleep and shower! When Travis called saying he was downstairs I was so excited, but so nervous. I was bracing myself for the fact that Abram may not want to come to us. But, he did fine. Though, Travis said he did have a very tough time leaving the care center. He had a deer-in-the-headlights look, but no tears. My first impression was that he was so much pudgier than I had imagined...I hoped the clothes we brought would fit!! Our first day together went very well. Aaron ended up being gone with our driver for a couple hours to get dinner and Abram and I played. I got all kinds of laughs and smiles. He eventually fell asleep on the bed, exhausted from a tough day.

Our first heart-wrenching moment came later that night when Abram woke up. He sat up in his crib crying. I went over to pick him up and he started crying harder, backing himself into the corner of the crib to get away from me. Oh, my heart was breaking for this little guy! I picked him up, rocked him, and he went back to sleep. How scared he must have been...hoping I was just a bad dream and he would wake up in the morning to the sound of his special mother's voice.

The next day, Tuesday, was spent hanging out at the guest house with Abram. He seemed a little unsure of us that morning, but warmed up to us quickly. Aaron was starting to get things figured out with our driver who would run and get us food when we needed. Aaron usually tagged along and by the end of the week, we were great friends with Biniam. We had a couple of frustrating moments with the language barrier (he had only been speaking English for 6 mos...amazing how much he knew) but quickly learned to go with the flow and if we couldn't understand or he couldn't understand, we just laughed and tried again! I was absolutely floored by Biniam's compassion for Abram. He would hold him, talk to him, coo his name...it was heart-warming to witness.

Wednesday was a big day. In the morning, we visited the Gladney care center that Abram had been staying in. When we got there, his special mother (caregiver) came to get him and took him to dress him in traditional clothing. It was obvious how much Abram loved her by his reaction when he saw her...he wanted her NOW! It was such an amazing experience to tour the care center and see the children of your blogging buddies back home. What an honor it was to hold them and take pictures of them! We had a coffee ceremony and then the children were brought back to us. When Abram's special mother said goodbye to him, my heart broke into a million more pieces. She cried and he WAILED. I held him and just broke down. I just felt like this couldn't possibly be what was best for this precious child. I already loved him and I didn't want him hurting. But, I pulled it together once again, tucking those emotions away for another time and we went on with our day.

We grabbed some lunch as a group and then went to the U.S. Embassy. I was again surprised by the caring nature of a man at the embassy. He was sitting across from Abram and I and he played with Abram, talked to him, and tried holding him (for once, he actually preferred me). I had to wonder what he was thinking. Was he being so kind and playful in hopes that Abram would remember the amazing spirit of the Ethiopian people? Did he feel sorry that Abram would be raised by a white family a half a world away? I was certainly starting to feel that way. I loved him, but so did our driver, Biniam, and the man at the embassy, and his brother...his brother loves him so much.

After waiting a good couple of hours at the embassy, we were called to a window, answered a few questions, and were on our way! Thursday was our day of sight-seeing. Aaron was feeling a little sick in the morning so he stayed behind with Abram. I went with Biniam to the national museum, home of Lucy, the oldest human skeleton, thought to be millions of years old. From there we took a group tour of Holy Trinity church. That evening, we went to a traditional dinner and dance. Luckily, Aaron was feeling better and could attend. His worst fears were realized when he was called out to do a little traditional dancing...let's just say his place is in front of a computer!

We knew Friday would be an emotional day. That morning, we were able to meet with Abram's biological brother. His brother cared for him for several months before making the impossible decision to relinquish him. We got out of the car at the Gladney office and heard someone calling Kembata's name. We knew it must be his brother. Kebede reached for Abram and he didn't want to go to him. It very obviously broke Kebede's heart and mine. I had to bite the inside of my mouth most of the morning to keep from losing it. I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to talk to Kebede and video tape our time together. Abram eventually warmed up to him and let him hold him and play with him. I was so glad they had that time together. I pray it's not the last time they see each other.

After the morning meeting, we toured 3 government-run orphanages. I've seen similar orphanages in South Africa and even more desperate situations in Zimbabwe, so I was prepared for the hard things I would see. But, it was Aaron's first time in an orphanage and was difficult for him. But, we were encouraged by the resilient spirit of the children and by the great things Gladney is doing in each of these orphanages. Before we knew it, it was time to head to our guest house, pack our things, and head to the airport.

After waiting several hours, we finally boarded the plane. I have to say, as much as I loved Ethiopia, it was good to be getting on the plane. I felt like after a tough week of bouncing from us to caregivers to birth family, back to us, this was what Abram needed to really begin bonding with us. The return flight was very difficult. There wasn't much room and Aaron was in the middle of 3 seats. I had to be on the end because Abram required me to get up and down a lot. He just wasn't happy for the majority of the flight. It was really, really, tough to say the least. I've never been so happy to get off of an airplane in my entire life!

The walk from the plane to where our family was waiting seemed to take forever! But, eventually I saw Grayson! He immediately came to us and said, "ABRAM'S HOME!" I have to say that the meeting at the airport was like a dream! Abram was very friendly with all of our family and Grayson was just ecstatic to finally meet him. Grayson looked like he had aged 2 years in one week...he just suddenly seemed so much older! And, I find myself treating him much older....sometimes I have to adjust my expectations and remind myself he is only 3.

Well, that's it...that's our trip in a very small nutshell. It was amazing. And like with Guatemala, I find myself wanting to go back! I can't wait to take the kids to their birth countries. However, Aaron and I agreed that we would be waiting until we could afford first class before returning to Ethiopia!

Abram and Samrawit

The Gladney Foster Care Center

Clothes drying on the line!

Us with Abram's brother, Kebede

My sister and nephew met us at Dulles!

So many things happening!

This has been a very exciting week in our household! After much thought and prayer, I decided I was not going to be able to teach bible study this year. It meant leaving Abram with other caregivers 2 mornings each week and we know he is just not ready for that. So, with our days wide open, I began looking for a preschool that had openings for children just barely missing the "3 years old by Sept. 1" cut-off. I found a preschool in West Lafayette that has a 2.5-3 year old classroom! Their afternoon program had openings. We went to visit and Grayson got very excited about "his school!" So, yesterday was his first day of preschool! I can't believe how big he has gotten. He really needed something to look forward to each week that was just his and not something he had to share with Abram! From what I can gather, he had a great time and looks forward to next week! And, an added bonus, the school is very diverse! Of the 6 kids in his class only 2 are white! I have nothing against white people (obviously), but sometimes there are just so darn many of them! We know that Grayson is getting to an age where he notices differences in people and things and I was so excited to see that he will not be the only non-white child in his class!

And, if preschool was not exciting enough, we signed Grayson up for soccer! He starts next Saturday. It's a 6-week program that meets on Saturday mornings for 30 minutes. I can only imagine what it will be like! I'm sure the kids will be doing about everything BUT playing soccer! I'm envisioning somersaults in the grass (he's been practicing these).

As far as Abram is concerned, he seems to do a little better each day. He still gets pretty cranky and clingy when we spend the night away from the house, but is settling into a routine here at home. I still have not tried leaving him with anyone, including Aaron. If I'm in another room of the house he will be okay for a little bit, but then will start crying and looking for me. We're a little afraid to test him to see if he would eventually calm down. I don't really want to put him through that or Aaron for that matter!

Breakthrough!

Today has been a good day. I hope it's not a fluke! Abram has been letting Aaron hold him as we run our errands today. I' ve been getting Grayson out of the car and carrying him in so my arms are full. Aaron gets Abram. As recent as last night, this would cause Abram to throw a full-fledged tantrum. He even cries if Aaron is pushing the cart he's sitting in! Today, Aaron pushed the boys around all morning with no protesting from Abram! AND, I just went to lay Abram down for his nap and he let me walk out of the room with NO crying! Now, he may still be awake, but he's not throwing a fit! Woohoo! Praise God! Please continue to pray for our transition...that Abram would continue to feel safer and more secure in our home each and every day and that he would begin to bond with Aaron.

Now, here are some pics!

Still not too much to say...

Every time I try to post about our trip, it just doesn't come out the way I want it. It's impossible to put into words the range of emotions we experienced, so I'm going to quit trying and just continue to process.

But, what I can put into words is how we're doing. Each day is getting better and better. Abram is really starting to feel more comfortable here at home. And, he does really well getting out of the house and going to the store, out to eat, or to play at a park. He just doesn't let me get very far. He still sobs every time I walk out of the room (unless I can sneak out really quick while he's busy playing). So, I've learned to do A LOT with 23 extra lbs. on my left hip (it certainly provides incentive to never gain 23 lbs.). Our lifesaver around here has been going outside to play. There are some days we are outside playing by 8 a.m. (3 weeks ago, this is what time Grayson woke up). The kids love being outside swinging, riding bikes, pushing bubble mowers, playing in the pool, you name it. Grayson seems to be a little better about not taking things away from Abram when we're outside or at a park where nothing is "his." Grayson is doing really well considering how tough it must be to see me constantly tending to every one of Abram's needs. We're doing our best to do special little things for Grayson, but what he wants most is our attention and that can sometimes be really hard since they don't play too well together, yet (Abram is a little sensitive about Grayson getting too close or too touchy...it's hard to predict what he likes/dislikes).

Nap time and bed time are getting much better. Grayson is such a trooper and has totally been a lifesaver. I have to sit with Abram at both nap time and bed time until he falls asleep. Thankfully, Grayson will wait downstairs and watch a show while I lay Abram down for a nap. Grayson will then go upstairs and lay in bed with a book until he falls asleep (we used to read books, rock, it was a 20 min. ordeal). Abram is also doing better through the night. Most nights he will sleep through the night or wake up once. He is quickly comforted and goes right back to sleep. A good night's sleep makes all the difference in the world with these two, energetic toddlers!

Now, what you really want...pictures:)

Quick update!

I wanted to check in briefly to let everyone know that we are still alive! Aaron and I are both healthy and with the help of antibiotics, Abram seems to be kicking a "touch" of pneumonia.

Adjustment-wise, we seem to be making a little progress each day. The last couple of days, Abram has been pretty good about letting me put him down. He's beginning to venture out on his own a little more, exploring the house and toys. All things considered, Grayson has done remarkably well. He, of course, just happens to want to play with everything Abram does at the exact moment Abram does but, that's to be expected. When he's not wanting to be held, Abram is an extremely happy, playful little guy! He has the brightest smile and a beautiful laugh.

Now, we just have to get bedtime figured out. We were a bit spoiled in Ethiopia. Abram would fall right off to sleep on our bed and we would move him to the crib where he would sleep most of the night. If he did wake up, I got him out and he would fall right back to sleep. For the first couple of nights at home, this same tactic worked. I knew it wouldn't be permanent, but it let us get some sleep right after getting home. Well, within a couple of nights, Abram became very sensitive to us laying him in the crib and would wake up screaming as I laid him down. So, we decided it was time to go straight to the crib. We've been doing pretty well laying him in the crib and then sitting on the floor right by the crib holding his hand, etc. Each day is getting a little better, but tonight it took over an hour for him to go to sleep. He also tends to wake up 3 times a night. I'm exhausted. I don't think it helps that he appears to have about 4 teeth coming in. This type of thing is so hard because there is no letting him "cry it out." I can't even imagine letting this little child think that we've walked off and forgotten about him. As hard as it is, we have to build trust. He has to feel safe in his crib and I don't think he does just yet. But, as with everything else, we'll get there.

Here are a few pictures from our time at home!

I promise I'll update everyone at some point!

Right now, we're a little overwhelmed:) I don't feel that great and Aaron woke up with a temperature of 102! All of this on top of trying to keep up with 2 toddlers...one of which will NOT let me put him down! Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to hold him, but it makes it really hard to care for Grayson. This too shall pass! I'll give the full update once we're all healthy and rested! Here are a few pics.