This is why we will wait.....

You go along this adoption journey, doing everything everyone asks of you. Sign here, notarize here, re-do this document, this one's too long, this one expired, make this check out to us, that one to them, oh, and that one needs to be a money order. And then, you are finally placed on the waiting list. At this point you're excited, but reserved. You don't want to get too excited because you know you have a long wait. So, you just settle into this rhythm of trying to get through each day, each week, each month, counting the days, but trying not to obsess or even let yourself believe the adoption is really ever going to happen. Then, you kind of stop and think...what are we even waiting for again? Could someone remind me? You've protected yourself from the excitement so much, that you begin to forget what it is you're supposed to be excited about. I walk past the crib set up in the guest room every day and rarely even try to picture it with a child in it. Then, last night I looked up at a picture in the family room and I remembered EXACTLY what we are waiting for....


We are waiting for the day that we get to feel this way about another baby boy. We so often stop and say that we can't imagine any other child as our son, and that's part of the problem, we can't. But, I know that we will. I know that once this little boy becomes a reality, a face, a name, a story, we will feel the same way we felt when we saw Grayson for the first time. I look forward to the day I look up at the pictures in the family room and see BOTH of my boys and think, "I can't imagine any other boys being our sons." And this is why we will wait.

The Darlings passed court today!

One of the families here in the Lafayette area had their court date today. Justin emailed the group just a bit ago and said they passed! Abeba is officially their daughter! Check out their blog to see pictures of their beautiful daughter!

In other, less exciting news...we've been on the waiting list 16 weeks today! We're hanging in there!

Thank goodness God doesn't always give us what we want!

I've been sitting on the computer this afternoon during Grayson's nap, checking email, reading blogs, trying to figure out how long everyone's referrals are taking, trying to figure out when we'll get ours. When we were put on the waiting list on August 27th, I thought we would definitely have our referral in time for Christmas. Well, the current trend suggests we have at least another couple of months to wait. So, I started to feel a little sorry for myself.

Then, I was humbled by a thought. When we were put on the waiting list for Grayson, the wait time was 2-4 weeks. Most people were getting referrals no later than 4 weeks. We were placed on the waiting list on September 9th. I was very patiently waiting up until about the 4 week mark. I then became very impatient and a little sad. I remember crying to Aaron that I just wanted to see a picture of our baby (all seems a little pitiful now as we know we will wait 6 or 7 months for Abram's referral). I thought for sure we would have a referral by Drew and Katrina's wedding on October 7th. As that day came and went I became even more upset.

Thank goodness God doesn't always give us what we want. If we had gotten a referral in 4 weeks as most people did, we would have received a referral on October 9th. Grayson was not born until October 17th. Jeremiah 1:5 says, ""Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart." God had already set Grayson apart for us. However, He couldn't give us pictures of our child in that 4 week window that our agency had promised because OUR son had not yet been born. I continue to be amazed at the awesome ways God has worked in our lives. So many times He does things in such subtle ways that it takes us 2 years and a few minutes of feeling sorry for ourselves before we even recognize His work in our lives. Don't get me wrong, I have always known that Grayson was chosen by God to be our son and that it was only by God's grace and mercy that we brought him home from Guatemala in just over 6 months. However, I'm now able to wait on our referral with a new sense of patience. Jeremiah 1:5 confirms that God knows who our son is and He has already set him apart for us.

I guess I should clarify and say this doesn't mean I won't have days of extreme impatience. It just means that those days will hopefully be fewer and those days will be more tolerable knowing that God has already chosen our son.

As it turned out, we ended up waiting 7 weeks for Grayson's referral. Completely unheard of to wait that long for a referral of a baby boy at that point in time for our agency. But, thank goodness we did wait that long. And, 7 weeks or 7 months, I will wait however long it takes to be matched with OUR son.

Here are some pictures we received with Grayson's referral! What a wonderful time that was!

Long time, no blog

With the busy week of Thanksgiving and starting bible study as a leader, I haven't posted in quite some time! Last Wednesday marked 14 weeks of waiting...this Wednesday makes 15. Wow, where has the time gone? With the holidays in full swing I have been thinking more and more about Abram. I continue to be somewhat tortured by questions of his well-being. We pray every night at dinner that God is keeping him safe. Even Aaron, who doesn't typically feel the adoption is real until he has a picture in hand, has been faithfully praying for Abram's safety.

It has really helped the wait go much smoother this time by focusing on the fact that this may be the last year I do this or that with just Grayson. The last Christmas we only have one child to shop for, the last time I do Christmas shopping with just one kid in the stroller, the last time I brave the cold and only have to be outside long enough to buckle one kid in his carseat, and the list goes on and on!

Here are a couple of pictures of our tree and Grayson in front of it! I can't believe Christmas is soooo close!

Posting a day early!

I figure since tomorrow will be a busy day of bible study, packing, and driving home to Liberty, I should post this today. Tomorrow marks 13 weeks on the waiting list! Even more exciting, Thursday marks 3 months! Woohoo! In some ways it seems we've been waiting longer, but in others it feels we've been waiting less than 3 months, so overall I guess I'm just excited to make it to this milestone! I have thought a couple of times about the fact that if this was 3 or 4 months ago, we could be getting "the call" any day now, but, it is what it is, and it ISN'T God's time to reveal our son to us. I do feel comfort in knowing that he has likely been born and is in Ethiopia waiting on us. God knows he is our son, and that's good enough for me...for now anyway!

On an exciting, off-topic note: I was asked today to be a children's leader for the bible study I've been attending since September. It will of course require more work, but I'm very excited to share the stories I've been learning about to a group of 4 and 5 year olds!

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving...there is much to be thankful for!

Congrats to Chris and Sarah!

I just read Chris and Sarah's blog, a couple from Kokomo we met this past Saturday at our Ethiopia families get-together. They passed court on the first try! They should be heading to Ethiopia very soon and will be there in time to celebrate their son's first birthday!

Saturday's get-together

This past Saturday evening we got together with the families from Lafayette adopting from Ethiopia. It was our second get-together and it was so wonderful to catch up with where everyone is at in the process. Three families now have their referrals! We got to see pictures of 2 of the little boys! They are absolutely beautiful! I thought it would make me very anxious for us to receive our referral, but it really didn't. I mean, of course I'm very excited, but I'm still feeling very patient and at peace with the wait. One family has their court date tomorrow! If all goes well and they pass the first time around, they will be heading down to Ethiopia and will be there just in time for their little boy's first birthday! Pray that they will be together as a family on his birthday.

It was so wonderful to hang out with these families on Saturday. They are just truly wonderful people. It's amazing how connected you feel to everyone because of the common thread of adoption. I look forward to getting to know these families better in the future. Thanks again Ailor's for hosting!

Week 12 complete!

We've been on the waiting list for 12 weeks now. I sure hope this is the halfway point for us, but am not holding my breath. As mentioned in the last post, Gladney has changed the wait time to 4-6 months; however, I haven't seen anyone receive a referral in 4 or even 5 months! I guess we'll just have to keep adjusting our expectations.

Here's a picture of Grayson on his way to bible study last week. He has a band-aid on his cheek because there is a little girl in his class that has scratched him a couple of times! I think this is the price you pay for being so darn handsome. When girls are throwing themselves at you, you're bound to get a scratch or two every now and then.

11 weeks on the waiting list!

Today marks 11 weeks waiting for a referral. It has gone about as quickly as expected, but has been much smoother than I could have dreamed! We have thrown ourselves into life: going to bible study, volunteering, spending time with family, getting excited about birthdays and holidays, etc. Yes, I'm beginning to get anxious, especially as we are close to entering the 3 month "window." But, at the same time, no one has received a referral in 3 months for a long, long time so we are beginning to set our sights on 5 months. I believe that is when I will begin to get very anxious, like "jump every time the phone rings" anxious! I remember getting this way with Grayson's adoption and it is NOT a good feeling. You just go around on pins and needles all the time and getting your referral is all you can think about. But, as I've said several times , this time I have the benefit of seeing just how perfect God's plan for our family is and will be much more patient (I'm trying to convince myself of this whole patience thing).

Well, good thing I just convinced myself of how patient I would be! I just got an email saying that Gladney has upped the wait time to 4-6 months, and that includes the entire 6th month. So, basically some people could wait nearly 7 months. But, this isn't really anything I didn't already know based on the current referral trends. Ahhh, the unknowns of international adoption. But, I am just so encouraged that overall there seem to be no major problems with the Ethiopia process. Things in Guatemala got so shaky at the end and eventually ended in the program being shut down while new legislation is developed. Just pray that the process in Ethiopia continues to run as smoothly as possible so that these children can find homes.

Fall Photos

Grayson as Thomas

Mommy and Thomas

In his swing

Laying in the leaves

Beautiful boy

10 weeks waiting!

We've been on the waiting list 10 weeks today! Numbers 9 and 10 on the Island of Sodor are the Scottish Twins, Donald and Douglas. With the referrals seeming to take longer and longer, we are probably just now halfway through our wait. There are still 10 people ahead of us waiting on a boy or either gender. But, overall the wait continues to go smoothly. Although, I think things will get a little tougher over the holidays. I found myself at the mall today wondering if I should buy a picture frame ornament for Abram's picture. This is what we did with Grayson's referral picture the Christmas we spent waiting for him to come home. I really doubt we will have a picture of him by Christmas. So, maybe I will just buy a letter "A" instead. That way we have something to remember that we spent this Christmas in anticipation of his homecoming! Well-intentioned people like to say that waiting for a referral or for a court date or for an embassy appointment is like being pregnant and having to wait 9 months before your child is born. But, I can't imagine that they are really much alike at all. Yes, I'm sure being pregnant over the holidays makes you even more anxious for the upcoming holidays you will spend with your new child, just as in an adoption. However, though you can't physically hold your child or see your child, he/she is there. You can cradle your stomach, feel his/her tiny kicks, and talk or sing to him/her knowing your voice will be heard. With an adoption, you have the benefit of seeing pictures once you've received your referral. But, you don't have any way of feeling each other's presence. I can remember with Grayson, I just kept trying to feel closer to him. I wondered if we thought of each other at the same moment would he somehow know I was there, thinking of him, loving him. I never thought for a second that Grayson spent a single minute of his life unloved or uncared for. I had the peace of mind of knowing that Marta picked him up at 7 hours old and loved him as her son until the day we picked him up. But this time, I don't have that same peace of mind. There is a good chance that Abram is already in an orphanage being fed, cared for, and loved. But, what if he's not? I'm thankful for any time that he gets to spend with his birth family, but what if he's hungry? What if he's sick? What if his birth family, not being able to care for him, has left him somewhere in hopes he'll be found? What if he hasn't been found? Is he scared? These are the questions that begin to torture you as you wait longer and longer. But, as I've mentioned before, this time I have the benefit of knowing that the time we wait for our children to come home is all a part of God's perfect timing. And though I can't see it now, there is a plan in place greater than anything I could ever fabricate in my mind. I'm so excited to see what God has in store for us and Abram! Until then, we wait!

9 Weeks!

That's right, 9 weeks folks! Oh, and a Weightwatchers update; I've been sticking with the online program and have lost 11.5 pounds in 6 weeks! It feels great to not have to dance around the bedroom to get my jeans on after they've just come out of the dryer! I've almost TOTALLY cut out Mountain Dew, very sad I know. Now, I need to concentrate on getting more exercise. The first few weeks the weather was so nice that we were walking almost every evening. Now I'm going to need to make myself get on the elliptical machine...much harder to do. I'm hoping to be down about 20 pounds by Christmas!

I can't believe I'm 5 days late posting this entry! Last Wednesday marked 8 weeks of waiting! Today marks exactly 2 months! Number 8 on the Island of Sodor is Duck, though his number is not painted on him like the other engines. The time is continuing to fly by. Not only am I staying busy with Grayson, bible study, and now volunteering, I think more than anything the idea of another baby just seems so surreal! I put the crib up in the guest room a couple of weeks ago and I occasionally just look at it and it still just seems too far off to really imagine. But, the crazy thing is, it will be here before we know it! Thanksgiving will mark about 3 months on the waiting list and Christmas will mark 4 months! I know the holidays will make the waiting seem to go that much faster.

The Thomas Birthday Extravaganza!

Yesterday was Grayson's birthday party. I was such an amazing day. I kept finding myself looking at him and thinking, "wow, he's really here, he's really our son." I don't mean to brag, because I really don't take credit for much, but he is just such a wonderful little boy. He's just so sweet and happy and his smile just lights up a room. I remember waiting impatiently for his referral, thinking the day that we would get to hold him our arms would never come. And now, here he is, 2 years old, having been home with us for a year and a half. This is what makes the waiting so much easier this time around. We are almost at 8 weeks of waiting and I just feel so much peace knowing how wonderful it will be when the time comes that we get to bring our 2nd little boy home.

As far as the party yesterday, Grayson had so much fun. He loves having family and friends around. He was just in the best of spirits yesterday, playing with his cousins, opening presents, eating cake. The child got more Thomas stuff than we know what to do with! We teased that now he won't need anything for Christmas...hehe...yeah right! He got new Thomas engines, DVD's, Thomas slippers, and enough clothes to last him all winter! But more than anything, it was just so extremely special to have all our family and friends there to celebrate his birthday, and just celebrate him being a part of our family. I've thought a lot about his birth mother over the last few days, and though I know his birthday is probably a difficult time for her, I just pray that she feels how much he is loved. I think yesterday was probably more than she could have ever dreamed of for him - not because of the presents, because of the amount of love and joy that is a part of everything Grayson does. He just the center of our world and I can't wait to experience that and share that with another child.

Here are a couple of pictures from yesterday and from the pumpkin patch today. Thank you to everyone that made yesterday so special for us and for Grayson!

7 weeks waiting!

Today marks 7 weeks on the waiting list! Time continues to "fly" by! Number 7 on the Island of Sodor is Toby the Tram Engine. One of my personal favorites.

We've been busy this week preparing for Grayson's party this weekend! I can't believe he will be 2 on Friday. Where does the time go? As you could probably guess, his party will be Thomas-themed. I can't wait to see his little face when he sees the decorations and all the Thomas presents! In light of the upcoming presents, I spent the evening last Sunday going through toys and organizing. He has a toy box full in the family room, an entire playroom full, a Rubbermaid in the closet, and now several toys in the basement. We bought a carpet remnant and are storing some furniture for friends in the basement, so he now has a nice play area down there as well. It has been nice to take him down there when I'm doing laundry and let him play. I donated a few toys and plan to donate more around Christmas, but I just can't get rid of his nice toys. I keep telling myself we need to save them for Abram. But, at this rate there will be no room for Abram by the time he comes home! I really think rather than asking for any gifts for Abram, we will ask for donations for the orphanages we will visit in Ethiopia or donations for a college fund for the boys. We just already have so many nice clothes and toys.

Another exciting thing this week is bible study. I will be helping out in the children's program tomorrow. So, I will get to see what the program is all about just in time for Grayson's first week next week. I can't wait for Grayson to go! I think he will really enjoy all the little fun things I remember doing as a preschooler at bible study.

I've also been thinking ahead to preschool for Grayson next year. He will miss the cut-off for the 3 year-old programs by one month. So, I really don't want to send him to preschool because he would then be in preschool for 3 years. I think I will try a homeschool curriculum with him next year. I don't want him to just not learn anything until the next year, but I don't want him to be in preschool for so many years. So, it's kind of the best of both worlds. I found a nice curriculum online where I can just print off lesson plans. It really looks pretty simple and would probably be very easy to do. We could use the new area in the basement as our little homeschooling "area" to keep him from the distractions of the playroom. It would probably only be for a couple hours a day, if that. I think it would be a lot of fun for me and him. And, who knows, if we all love it, we may do it again the next year and the next and the next until it doesn't work for us anymore. I think it would give us the freedom to do fun things and learn things other than just the basics. I would love to incorporate Guatemalan and Ethiopian history into our history lessons, etc. He could get music time through local programs and would also get social time through all the programs we participate in in the community. So, we'll see, I think I'll at least give it a try.

An exciting week for Gladney families

This has been a very exciting week for those of us using Gladney Center for Adoption! On Monday, the Darlings, a family we met at the Lafayette cookout this summer, received their referral! They waited about 5 1/2 months, but I'm sure that wait seemed very insignificant after they saw the face of their beautiful 13 1/2 month old daughter! Yesterday, another family received a referral! This time, a little boy that is turning one year old today! They waited almost 5 months! We also heard that 2 families received their court dates for their little ones.

So, as you can see, the wait times are definitely closer to the 5 month mark than the 3 month mark. According to the unofficial waiting list that is maintained by a Gladney family, we are about 30th on the list. Though that seems daunting, when you look at those families requesting a child of either gender or a boy, we are only 11th on the list! Now that's exciting! Even though I know it will still be a 4-6 month wait, 11th sounds so much better than 30th!

6 weeks waiting....halfway to the "window?"

Today marks 6 weeks on the waiting list. Gladney has officially changed the wait time from 3-5 months to 3-6 months. So, technically, we're about halfway to entering the "window," the time in which we may receive a referral. However, I can't tell you the last time I saw anyone receive a referral in less than 4 months. So, in order to keep myself from getting too anxious upon entering the window period, I am setting my own window period of 4-6 months. This means I don't expect to hear about a referral before Christmas. I think I have to begin thinking this way so that I don't set myself up for disappointment. I know I will be getting anxious around the holidays and just want to know who our baby is going to be. The Christmas after receiving Grayson's referral was definitely hard. We knew who he was, we had seen his face, heard his voice over the phone, and already loved him. But, rather than being able to spend the holiday as a family, we instead had to settle for looking at adorable pictures of him in his Christmas sleeper and opening presents that people had gotten for him without him. It was a very bittersweet holiday season. I really hope that if I can get in the mindset that it will be January or February before we receive a referral, I can thoroughly enjoy the holidays this year. This will only be Grayson's 2nd Christmas home with us, and it will be his first that he understands a little about what is going on. I want to be able to completely enjoy these milestones in his life and our life as a family of 3. This will be the 2nd, and last Christmas as the 3 of us! Santa's Christmas expenditures are about to double! I am really looking forward to establishing some traditions of our own this Christmas. I think we will go and buy a real tree this year. I'm excited to decorate the tree together, bake Christmas cookies, and all the little things I remember about Christmas as a kid. I bought an advent house last year after Christmas, so I look forward to putting little pieces of candy in the house and starting our countdown on December 1st. Maybe I should put little Thomas stickers in it. I think Grayson would enjoy the Thomas much more than candy.

Family Pictures

This past weekend we traveled home to Liberty to have a friend of my sister's take some pictures of the 3 of us. I figure we should have at least SOME professional pictures of the 3 of us before we become a family of 4. Wow, 4....just saying that makes me nervous and excited all at once!

We had our pictures taken on Miami University's campus. It was a gorgeous day and we got some great pictures. However, I definitely felt like I had run a marathon by the time they were over. Grayson just didn't want to sit still...perfectly understandable for a 2 year old. Plus, he really doesn't like strangers getting really close to him and especially when they have hair clippers or cameras. But, Grayson eventually warmed up to Aryn and we played a little game where she chased him onto our laps and then would snap a picture! So, Grayson would come charging at me, I'd scoop him up, flip around, and smile! I felt extremely disheveled, but somehow we managed to get some good pictures! I think it's safe to say that it will likely be this time next year before we have pictures taken again!

Week 5 down!

We've completed week #5 of waiting! Number 5 on the Island of Sodor is James, the only bright red engine on the island! Time is still flying by for the most part. I really think that has a lot to with the fact that we're not in the 3-5 month window yet. I remember at this point in the wait for Grayson's referral I was a total mess! Up until that point, families had been receiving referrals for little boys in 2-4 weeks! When we reached week #5, I didn't think I would live to get his referral! We ended up waiting 7 weeks. Oh, what I would do to wait only 7 weeks. But, then again, I'm not ready for another little boy just yet. Grayson is getting closer and closer to being 2 everyday and it shows! I don't think I could handle another little boy on top of our multiple daily melt-downs! Hopefully we will have established a good time-out routine or maybe the tantrums will have lessened by the time we bring Abram home. But, however trying the 2's may be, they are also a whole lot of fun! Grayson is getting to the point that he is just so much fun to play with. Yesterday, he put Mickey at his little table and chairs and he sat down across from him and I got out the play food for him to play with. He had a blast getting it out and giving some to all of us and getting up to feed Mickey. He's just such a nice and caring little boy. Here are some pictures of him and Mickey.

4 weeks waiting!

That's right...we've been on the waiting list for 4 weeks now! The No. 4 engine on the Island of Sodor is Gordon, the strongest engine (and therefore a little arrogant) on the whole island! For the most part, time is flying by! We're staying busy playing, going to bible study, and going to campus to walk and play on the playground in the evenings. The wait is definitely the hardest on me. I asked Aaron the other day if he even knew how long we had been on the waiting list and he said, "no," just as I suspected. I think to him, and many men in his situation, it's just not real until the referral. He just kind of dives into work and home life and when we get a referral, great, but until then, no sweat. I think he's also still a little concerned about Grayson getting enough attention with another baby around. So, while I know he's excited, I think he's just trying to savor every minute of being a family of 3 while he can. Oh, if only I could be as calm as he is! I think it's just that I remember so well the feeling of getting Grayson's referral. Who wouldn't be extremely anxious to do that all over again? I'm also very curious to know how old our little guy is. He could be 3 months, or he could be 11 months. It's such a big age range when you're talking about infants. Will he already be crawling, or walking? Will he have teeth and a head full of hair? Will it be straight or curly? I try picturing him in my mind, based on pictures I've seen of other families who have received referrals, and I come up with a modge-podge of faces and eyes and hair. But, with all the uncertainties, there is one thing I know for sure. We will receive our referral in God's perfect timing, not a minute too soon or too late. And, when that day comes, that little boy will have been brought into this world to be our son. Or rather, we will have been brought into the world to be his mom and dad, just as we were brought here to be Grayson's parents. Oh, I can't wait to see my little Abram's face!